Gen Z is Bringing Back Purity Culture
if we're going to return to second wave feminism, let's at least make poofy hair trendy again ;)
A few days ago, I was scrolling through TikTok* and found a video of a girl saying that women have been sold the idea of sexual liberation as something to free them falsely, that sexual liberation only benefits the patriarchy. She said that when she acted more “sexually liberated,” she felt like she was “renting out her body without anyone signing a long-term lease.” She goes on to say that women who “let people inside” are like AirBnBs and women who don’t are “mansions.”
*I’m not going to link the post because she’s a young woman who had good intentions, and I don’t need to call her out by name just because she slut shames women who view sexual liberation as beneficial
Sure, she goes on to say that she respects women’s choices to do what they want to do, but I didn’t hear that the first time around because I was too busy wondering what type of property she views my body as (my parents read these so we won’t go too in-depth on my speculations).
Here’s the thing, whether I’m in a college dorm, a youth hostel, campsite, or beach house, it doesn’t matter because I don’t view my body as any lodging. Is your body a temple? Great. Good for you. I like to think of myself as a living organism.
If having casual sex isn’t for you, that’s fine, but you don’t get to shame women who like to fuck. You don’t get to tell women that they aren’t genuinely feminist for having one-night stands, two-night stands, or multiple partners at once.
This isn’t even the first post I’ve seen like this; for some reason, Gen Z is obsessed with purity culture, especially on TikTok. It seems like we’ve passed the third wave of feminism (which, lest we forget, brought us Samantha Jones) and made a total U-turn to go back to the second wave. As Michelle Goldberg wrote, “some second-wave feminists had treated heterosexual sex — as well as remotely kinky queer sex — as inherently degrading, if not counterrevolutionary, which naturally drove many women away from feminism,” and it seems like part of my generation feels the same.
Here’s the thing. I think there’s some truth to the idea that casual sex can be harmful to women. It’s not for everyone; we all have different attachment styles and needs from the people we let lease our AirBnBs. And, like, I’m the first person to want to take all joy away from men, but just because men like something doesn’t mean it hurts women.
The idea that casual sex is bad for women seems, in part, to be based on the idea that women don’t like sex. We learn this from movies, books, tv, our moms, our sisters, our friends. We’re told that men always like it, and it’s implied to us that if we want it too, it’s manly or bad or wrong. We learn that if we sleep with someone too early or too soon or who, we don’t intend on seeing again that we’re not worth a relationship. But, sex is supposed to be pleasurable to both people. It’s easy to forget this when we are only ever taught our bodies are taken or given and that we are not active participants in sex.
I genuinely think that the pleasure gap exists mainly because men are tools. But also because women are not taught the tools to be autonomous beings in sexual situations. Again, it’s not really for everyone. But, women will never get the tools they need to ask for what they want, what feels good, what makes them feel empowered if we keep telling them it’s bad to enjoy sex.
It’s not that I think the girl in the TikTok is totally wrong. My mom used to tell me that if you can’t talk about the repercussions of having sex with your partner and all the risks involved, you’re not ready. To be blunt, if you still view your body as any type of home, you’re not ready for casual sex. Quite honestly, I don’t know if you’re ready for sex at all.
Unfortunately, I’ve had a few sexual experiences taken from me in unsavory ways. I understand that after something like that, the need for control drives someone to, well, go out of control. Then, when you finally feel back in the driver’s seat, you might want to over-correct. That’s normal. It happens. I experienced it too off and on in college.
There were times when casual sex was liberating to me and times when it left me feeling like a shell of a person. It took me to realize that if I needed the sex to gain control, I wasn’t empowering anyone. I still didn’t shame people. I healed and realized that, with the tools I needed to ask for what I wanted, with partners who I respected, I could have fun and feel empowered.
Whether you think casual sex is out or in, we owe it to the next generation of women to stop stigmatizing it. Regardless of what has led you to the decisions you make for your body, you don’t get to shame me for the decisions I make for mine. And, to be very clear, liking casual sex isn’t benefiting the patriarchy any more than you comparing my body to different types of homes. Slut shaming hurts all of us in the process, so maybe, let’s stop?